Hi Kevin
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Alternate ending to "I'm Your Biggest Fanatic".


"Hi, Kevin…" SpongeBob slowly exhaled in his hypnotic trance.

The fashionable sea cucumber looked down at the sponge, lacking any enthusiasm himself. "Hi," he said drily. "What's your question?"

"Hi, Kevin…" SpongeBob repeated in the exact same form of monotone.

"Whatever, next question please…" Kevin pointed to the other side of the crowd.

Mr. Krabs emerged from the crowd and faced Kevin. "Yes, Mr. Jellyspotter. My name is Eugene Krabs and I have a prominent question."

Kevin cocked his eyebrow. Things were getting a bit more interesting. "Yes, Eugene, we are all familiar with you and your… tastes…"

SpongeBob glanced over at Mr. Krabs, shooting him a suspicious glare. What was the midlife crustacean up to?

Mr. Krabs chuckled and put his claws in his pockets smugly. "I was wonderin'… is today a good day to die?" Mr. Krabs then pulled out two heavy-duty laser pistols from their holsters and began firing at Kevin.

Kevin's anchovy bodyguards to the hits for him as he himself dodged to his starfighter. He hopped into the cockpit and retracted the landing gear, revving up to confront Krabs with some head-on action applied directly to the forehead.

"Arr! Me forehead!" Krabs growled as he was struck by Kevin's metallic hull. They flew through several buildings causing scads of city denizens to cry out in holy terror.

Krabs pulled out his Beetroot soup that he had procured from Minecraft Steve's legendary Ender Chest. Normally, it is illegal to steal from another player's Ender Chest, but Mr. Krabs was far from just another player. Krabs was a descendant of Herobrine.

"Dartmouth," said spongeBob as he watched the catastrophe unfold. He saw Patrick in the corner cradling Jeffrey Jellyfish's corpse.

"He was caught in the crossfire and now I am considering my revenge…" said Patrick, lifting himself off the ground and dropping more tears on his fallen comrade. "I hate them for what they have done to my grand life and my perfect idol, Jeffrey."

"Nay, do not let it taint your soul, my best pal forevs," said SpongeBob, whisking his spatula in the scorching sunlight. The shine shot onto the metal and bounced off like a laser, bisecting many buildings in two like a rocket whose toes dispose of hedgehog matters.

"Yea, verily…" said Patrick. He took out his jellyfish net and charged towards Krabs and Kevin's fight.

"Pat! No! Do not be so hasty, boyo!" cried SpongeBob. He tailed his friend with compassionate heart feelings of brothership.

"Die…" said Kevin as he launched a boxing glove of deadly spikes in Krabs's face. Krabs caught the glove in betwixt his mighty teeth and crunched down like a warrior of power. He swallowed the spikes and dissolved it with his holy stomach acid. He then converted it to a new type of metal: Krabranium.

Patrick gasped. "Isn't that substance of the gods?"

"Yes," bellowed King Neptune as he descended from the heavens and handed the young starfish a ticket to the latest Tay Tay Swift concert. "But Krabs is an exception. I bestowed this attribute to his stomach when I birthed the sea from my magical omnipotence."

"No stinkin' way, butt-haver…" SpongeBob said politely as he took off his shoes and ate them, squeaking up his vocal cords to lengths that not even Tom Kenny knew about.

"This is so not gnarly," said Patrick. Be winced at the sight of Krabs and Kevin's scrap in sheer misery. "I do not want wo view this turmoil with my own innocent eyes…"

"Stow your melancholy, Broseph," said Neptune. "Ya'll gotta see how the benevolence pays off, yo!"

Patrick heard this and looked closely at Krabs and Kevin's sacred rumpage. He noticed that they were like suns. Such bootiness required great responsibility. Uncle Ben wouldn't have wanted it to transpire any other way. Krabs was living his best life indeed, as was Kevin.

SpongeBob dropped to his knees and wept. "I want it all with goodness being!" he wailed. Neptune heard this plea with an open heart and mind. He shot a finger of lightning at SpongeBob's righteous tuchus and made it even more righteous. "Arigatou, Neputyunu-San…"

"Wow," said Patrick looking at SpongeBob's golden rear.

"You better bet your life on it, homeboy," said Neptune with the eyebrow raise of the century.

Kevin glanced over at SpongeBob and noticed the epitome of purity and sanctification. "Well, that is quite the wholesome revvy collection, but you're still not in the club because you didn't catch a real queen jellyfish!"

Krabs heard this string of nonsense and hopped into the cockpit. He brutally beat the nerdy pickle to oblivion and took his crown.

"That is not a hat," said Kevin with lips hurting due to painful claw swipes.

"I know it ain't matey," said Krabs. He took the crown to SpongeBob and placed it on his favourite lad's noggin.

"Thank you, Mr. Krabs. You are the GOAT!" said SpongeBob. He flossed to show gratitude.

"Catch me on the battle royale next Halloween, me SpongeBae!" snickered Krabs as he teleported back to Hogwarts.

"What scum…" grumbled Kevin. He charged up the laser cannon on his starship and proceeded to pelt SpongeBob and his friends with dangerous vibes.

"I hate how evil Kevin is being!" said Patrick. He took a cake and threw it at an anvil above Kevin. The anvil fell and broke one of Kevin's wings.

"Popularity is key to long lives and beautiful hearts!" cried Kevin as his ship went out of control. It did a barrel roll and crashed into the Great Fox, exploding on impact, and sending Kevin into the next dimension.

"He is felled," said SpongeBob attractively as Neptune studied his crown and wished to the skies for pie, which everyone dearly loved like a son, daughter, or quinoa morsel.

"Yes, but is he defeated for long?" asked Patrick. "I sense he will cause much brutality in the new world…"

"Yes, maybe," said SpongeBob, worried about King Kai's survival, but not for Bubbles or Gregory because he disliked them immensely. At least SpongeBob had truly magnificent personality, amiright?

**FIN**


End file.
